FSP Retail Blog

A Moment On The Lips, A Lifetime On The Hips

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Family Values

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Family Values

Traditionally, January is the busiest time of the year for divorce lawyers, and as the economic situation takes its toll, January 2010 us unlikely to be any different.

But never fear! If you’re currently thinking of filing or are in the midst of a tricky separation, don’t worry about trivialities such as who’s going to get custody of the toaster…for Debenhams have launched the perfect solution; the divorce gift list.

The idea, inspired by the increasing trend for people to celebrate rather than commiserate the end of a relationship, gives the newly single the opportunity to ask their friends and family to help out with household items their separation may have left them without!

Unsurprisingly, no trace of the aforementioned service can be found on the Debenhams website!

And Finally...Butt of a Joke

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The North Face Apparel Corp has apparently filed a federal court lawsuit in St Louis against parody brand The South Butt.

The brand, started by a college student to help pay for his fees, sells t-shirts, fleece jackets and sweatshirts with the tagline “Never Stop Relaxing”.

The cease and desist request apparently stated that the companies’ logos are similar enough to cause “confusion”. Honestly now, when was the last time you confused your face with your butt…?

Other mildly amusing parodies discovered when researching this article include; DeadBull to RedBull; Naïve to Evian; and Nescrape to Nescafe.

Bringing Home The Bacon

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Many retailers these days will be tired of paying the bills…sick of sticking stamps, dreading licking another envelope…

So to make things a little easier – more ‘tasty’ if you like - we introduce to you…Mmmvelopes.

Developed by [where else but] US-based company J&D’s, Mmmvelopes are traditional looking envelopes that offer a tasty twist; instead of tasting like, as they put it, ‘armpits’, the glue on their Mmmvelopes tastes like bacon.

Yes. Bacon.

So what are you waiting for? Its time to catch up on your paperwork…

Recession Breeds Opportunity

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Looking for a little get away in the country? How about a nice weekend trip to a cosy…prisoner of war camp?

The owners of the former camp in Country Durham started work to turn the site into a national visitor centre and leisure attraction, comprising holiday huts, a theatre and a canteen, however the work, like many current development, remains unfinished.

But never fear! If you fancy a slice of this mighty tempting pie, why not make a bid for the development…on popular internet auction site eBay!

Or if prisoner of war camps aren’t your thing, you’ll be pleased to know you’re still in with a chance to win something slightly more cheery…

A civil servant has put his record-breaking collection of 7,500 McDonalds Happy Meal toys up for auction, also on eBay.
The enthusiast claims he began collecting the toys in the Eighties, but is now being forced by his long suffering wife to get rid of the haul, which is taking up too much room in the couples’s home.
What is it they say…each to their own?!

And Finally...Covering All Bases

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There are things you expect to get in return for your Council Tax dollar; a regular bin collection, plenty of police on the streets and a fast, responsive fire service. It’s nice to know, however, that some councils like to go above and beyond the call of duty…

City authorities in Gelsenkirchen in Germany were left red faced after accidentally offering pornography alongside the more traditional services available for residents.

Apparently the error arose when the employee compiling the list thought that brothel owners might type the word ‘porn’ into the website search engine to find out about the city’s sex tax.

Unfortunately for expectant residents, the word has now been removed and the City has clarified the incident as “a mistake”.

…don’t they have Ann Summers in Germany?

Tough Old Bird

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It was reported this month that fried chicken specialists KFC have had their feathers ruffled by a Chinese chip shop chain who they accuse of infringing their trademark.

The copy cat shop – called Sweaty Granny - has set up 15 restaurants using KFCs traditional red and white fascia colours…but replacing Colonel Sanders with the face of a smiling old lady!

Even more bizarre still, Chinese trade authorities have decided to take no action, stating "We don't think it's a rights infringement'.'

It appears grandma really does know best!

Penny Pinchers

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You know you’re in trouble when Pound World gets forced under!

A Pound World store has been forced out of business after being undercut by a 99p chain that opened across the road. Price-conscious customers deserted Pound World in Poole, Dorset, when they realised that the same products were available 1p cheaper on the other side of the street.
Sure 99p is a bargain, but hey, why not go one step thriftier, and just steal stuff? Well people have been, apparently!

Tesco is to put security tags on cheese after an increase in shoplifting during the recession. The metal strips, usually put on alcohol, razor blades and CDs, have been added to everyday items such as Cathedral City cheddar cheese and steak. If the strips are not deactivated at the checkout tills then an alarm is set off.

…It seems every little does help!

SSM May 2009 - So Typically English

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Many jokes have been told about the English over the years - about our stiff upper lips, love of scones and clothes made of tweed - but nothing is quite as quintessentially English as a good old cup of tea and a cigarette, is it?
 

Unfortunately, while tea is still in abundance, its harder to get a cigarette these days than it used to be; you have to be older, hardier and much more wealthy than in the past, and if you want one with your pint down the local then you better be as weatherproof as Ronseal Quick Drying Woodstain, because outside is the only option!  Or so we thought…

The landlady of the Cutting Edge in Barnsley has exploited a loophole in the country's smoking ban by opening a "smoking research centre" where drinkers can legally light up.

Patrons must fill in a questionnaire on their smoking habits to satisfy legal requirements before sitting down for a drink and a cigarette, but are then free to drink and smoke as they please!  And maybe what they’re pleased to drink could soon be changing too, as the first alcoholic brewed tea drink – called Twisted Tea - is set to hit Tesco shelves later this year.

…Vices?  What vices?

SSM April ...And Finally - Two Can Play That Game

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Entirely used to being the butt of all jokes Ann Summers was on great form this April Fools, both creating their own light-hearted teaser and being the subject of others’…

The infamous, er, ‘lifestyle’ retailer posted a fake listing on their website this year, offering lingerie that becomes invisible in the rising heat of the bedroom!

The listing, found here, proclaims the ‘heat-sensitive polymer technology’ will ‘lift and support in all the right places while making it look like you’re naked’…we wonder if that’s what Jacqui Smith was looking for during her recent visit!.

 

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